Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Something more than tidal
All my endeavors to capture your heart failed.
Seeing that you may have found your shot at happiness brings me some joy,
but with it is the ultimate sadness that a person could feel.
To know that perhaps happiness is out there for you, just not with me.
And it makes me wonder, what about me? Have I deflected any chance at romance that I would have had because I waited, I waited for you to answer my enamored calls, my romantic gestures, my hopeful wishes?
The greatest hurt that a person may get to know is simply that of knowing that enough wasn't enough, and that you're simply not 'the one.' To see the faulty hand dealt in a game that felt like a sure win... It's a shock, it's devastating, it's every emotion that comes with having your hopes trampled over.
Congratulations. You have found your chance, and i still wait on the day that someone beckons my call. I'm a weak person, and let my walls down for an idiot the let the house tuble down. Now i sit in rubble and all i can do is pout. I don't have the nerve to cry, i just want to beat the shit out of him. As if pounding hard will solve anything.
I have to watch the sea, gravitating gravel and sand, washing it from the beaches.
The present pulling at the future, each pebble and grain, a body being carried away. As they drift these particles can only hope that their movement is something more than tidal. Are they being guided by this tremendous force, or is it a deceitful force, derailing them from their determined place? Let the torrent lead the way to the sunny shore where each fragment can rest calmly. I am tempted to let the ocean put me adrift, and hope that I too can find my way to a peaceful shore, where I can rest at last.
Seeing that you may have found your shot at happiness brings me some joy,
but with it is the ultimate sadness that a person could feel.
To know that perhaps happiness is out there for you, just not with me.
And it makes me wonder, what about me? Have I deflected any chance at romance that I would have had because I waited, I waited for you to answer my enamored calls, my romantic gestures, my hopeful wishes?
The greatest hurt that a person may get to know is simply that of knowing that enough wasn't enough, and that you're simply not 'the one.' To see the faulty hand dealt in a game that felt like a sure win... It's a shock, it's devastating, it's every emotion that comes with having your hopes trampled over.
Congratulations. You have found your chance, and i still wait on the day that someone beckons my call. I'm a weak person, and let my walls down for an idiot the let the house tuble down. Now i sit in rubble and all i can do is pout. I don't have the nerve to cry, i just want to beat the shit out of him. As if pounding hard will solve anything.
I have to watch the sea, gravitating gravel and sand, washing it from the beaches.
The present pulling at the future, each pebble and grain, a body being carried away. As they drift these particles can only hope that their movement is something more than tidal. Are they being guided by this tremendous force, or is it a deceitful force, derailing them from their determined place? Let the torrent lead the way to the sunny shore where each fragment can rest calmly. I am tempted to let the ocean put me adrift, and hope that I too can find my way to a peaceful shore, where I can rest at last.
Friday, January 23, 2009
remorse
I have to regretfully inform that it is Friday night... and what I WOULD love to be doing more than anything in the world is going out, having a social interaction (something that has been greatly lacking in my life as a result of a job in the city and a school in Westchester, and a home on Long Island).... and on this wonderful evening i hide beneath blankets, preventing myself from prolonged exposure to the elements, which have struck me ill, yet again.
People people, need to be out with people, and therefore the campaign is for a quick recovery so I can see someone, anyone really.
This is a lunacy, and although the idea of living at home isn't soo much of a bother, it's the fact that I'm not living anything remotely familiar to my life, that is to say, the part of it where I actually interact with people.
Being sick has made me avoid people and social gatherings, about as much as working full-time during winter-break in the city has.
:(
and I can't help but to continually reflect on the most unfruitful romance ever encountered. He changed me from who I was to something I should have been... he doesn't know that, nor does it really pertain to him anymore. It's a punishment to know that he's out there, ALIVE, and I'm sitting in self-pity and desolation from exhaustion and poor health.
Getting better, in every which way possible. Tu le verrais
People people, need to be out with people, and therefore the campaign is for a quick recovery so I can see someone, anyone really.
This is a lunacy, and although the idea of living at home isn't soo much of a bother, it's the fact that I'm not living anything remotely familiar to my life, that is to say, the part of it where I actually interact with people.
Being sick has made me avoid people and social gatherings, about as much as working full-time during winter-break in the city has.
:(
and I can't help but to continually reflect on the most unfruitful romance ever encountered. He changed me from who I was to something I should have been... he doesn't know that, nor does it really pertain to him anymore. It's a punishment to know that he's out there, ALIVE, and I'm sitting in self-pity and desolation from exhaustion and poor health.
Getting better, in every which way possible. Tu le verrais
Fly Khicks
America's Best Dance Crew, Season 3
Ok, Lil' Mama crying on the season premiere was ridiculous.
Untitled
Fly Khicks had a sick performance this week. It's too early to call, but the need to make it far, they are insane.
Untitled
Let's see what happens when the crews pay homage to celebrity hot-mess, Britney Spears
Ok, Lil' Mama crying on the season premiere was ridiculous.
Untitled
Fly Khicks had a sick performance this week. It's too early to call, but the need to make it far, they are insane.
Untitled
Let's see what happens when the crews pay homage to celebrity hot-mess, Britney Spears
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Noire
Blackest week in american history.
- Obama's Inauguration (first African-American President)
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day (3rd Monday of January)
- Notorious (Film about a rapper)
and where was I during all of this commotion? At the movies with my lil bro, Diego, Corrine and her sister, out of our minds haha.
The movie for the record, is exactly what was expected: A movie about a black guy's life embellished.
- Obama's Inauguration (first African-American President)
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day (3rd Monday of January)
- Notorious (Film about a rapper)
and where was I during all of this commotion? At the movies with my lil bro, Diego, Corrine and her sister, out of our minds haha.
The movie for the record, is exactly what was expected: A movie about a black guy's life embellished.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Aha!
You know what would make the "Snuggie" better?
A hood! It might be a bit too much (looking like a hardcore friar), but it would be much more comfortable. LoL
A hood! It might be a bit too much (looking like a hardcore friar), but it would be much more comfortable. LoL
Friday, January 16, 2009
The Terminus
Stuffy hallways, full of bodies, occupied with their destination. Concerned with their own path, wreckless and incapable of haunting me, a living creature caged in their domain. Merely watching my moves and what I can provide them. Without warning they vanish, into the crevices and devices that transport and contain them. This is the focus, the terminus where these hollow bodies flow, as a river reaching the rapids, ready to plunge all those opposed to its currents. It's a cold place, frigid like the empty vessels which traverse through here.
I scout the area for a space to rest, circumnavigating through the clusters of spirits to find a place to nestle. Most keep to themselves, or to each other, but some creep up, to me, or to others, wanting, needing. They are burdened with the life of a beggar, and a soul full of desperation. One can only have so much sympathy for them, who blatantly avoid the aid of sympathetic hands. They want to take these poor souls away from this station, where they will haunt no more, and be relieved of the difficult situations that they are unable to conquer. To be vanquished of destination....
I scout the area for a space to rest, circumnavigating through the clusters of spirits to find a place to nestle. Most keep to themselves, or to each other, but some creep up, to me, or to others, wanting, needing. They are burdened with the life of a beggar, and a soul full of desperation. One can only have so much sympathy for them, who blatantly avoid the aid of sympathetic hands. They want to take these poor souls away from this station, where they will haunt no more, and be relieved of the difficult situations that they are unable to conquer. To be vanquished of destination....
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Hollow
So the deal is, Long Island will be home, Purchase refuge, and Manhattan a mere memory embedded into the past. Brooklyn was wishful thinking for the now, but perhaps in the near future it will be the reality that it should be.
Driving down the familiar roads where I felt the brisk cold along with the hollowness of being alone. In a car, hazy from the residue of my escape from reality, pungent smell of amnesia. Recoiling to behavior from the past, deemed counterproductive. Feelings being scooped up like the scraps at the bottom of a sherbet container. Hollowed.
Rellename, con algo, con espiritu, con sabiduria, avec un chose que m'aidera
Driving down the familiar roads where I felt the brisk cold along with the hollowness of being alone. In a car, hazy from the residue of my escape from reality, pungent smell of amnesia. Recoiling to behavior from the past, deemed counterproductive. Feelings being scooped up like the scraps at the bottom of a sherbet container. Hollowed.
Rellename, con algo, con espiritu, con sabiduria, avec un chose que m'aidera
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
genius
The Snuggie is incredible and I'm soooo ready to order one. Who wants the free one (buy one get one free)?
:)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New years
It's the new year. Finally. This year was a mess, and things need to left behind in 08.
The boys, the apartment, the anxiety of trying to do things for myself.
What happened?
How come I let so much crawl under my skin? All i can think about is how i texted Brenton... in the middle of a warehouse in Brooklyn. Party aside, something was just bottled up inside, that needed to exit before the ball dropped. I don't feel comfortable writing his name, because of what it reminds me of... I guess I thought things were going to go my way. I was wrong, but with most things of this nature, you grow and learn from it.
I'm starting 2009 on my own, and that's fine. (I failed to find someone special). I've grown accustomed to being my support system. With a little help from my friend's maybe this year will be something great, something memorable. That isn't to say that 2008 was a total disaster, there were many memories that made me happy, honestly. :) There's still a feeling of dissatisfaction, but it shouldn't overshadow those good moments: being able to live on my own, even if just for a bit, making shit happen in the city, fun times with the boys of 12-2 and the girls of crown heights, even the moments with the boys..., even my monkey (even if he's no longer mine).
The party was amazing. Carlee, Bess, Kelly, and myself went to the warehouse district of Bushwick to hit up a party there. 4 floors of fun: 1 floor for the DJ, another for the bands, and the other 2 where just for more partying. A recollection of the events after midnight's fall is almost impossible, but I do remember getting puked on... and it dribbling into my boots haha. Bess was wasted and made a mess. It was messy.
Cheers to 2009, and to all that it can bring to me.
The boys, the apartment, the anxiety of trying to do things for myself.
What happened?
How come I let so much crawl under my skin? All i can think about is how i texted Brenton... in the middle of a warehouse in Brooklyn. Party aside, something was just bottled up inside, that needed to exit before the ball dropped. I don't feel comfortable writing his name, because of what it reminds me of... I guess I thought things were going to go my way. I was wrong, but with most things of this nature, you grow and learn from it.
I'm starting 2009 on my own, and that's fine. (I failed to find someone special). I've grown accustomed to being my support system. With a little help from my friend's maybe this year will be something great, something memorable. That isn't to say that 2008 was a total disaster, there were many memories that made me happy, honestly. :) There's still a feeling of dissatisfaction, but it shouldn't overshadow those good moments: being able to live on my own, even if just for a bit, making shit happen in the city, fun times with the boys of 12-2 and the girls of crown heights, even the moments with the boys..., even my monkey (even if he's no longer mine).
The party was amazing. Carlee, Bess, Kelly, and myself went to the warehouse district of Bushwick to hit up a party there. 4 floors of fun: 1 floor for the DJ, another for the bands, and the other 2 where just for more partying. A recollection of the events after midnight's fall is almost impossible, but I do remember getting puked on... and it dribbling into my boots haha. Bess was wasted and made a mess. It was messy.
Cheers to 2009, and to all that it can bring to me.
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