I begin to wonder

I seem to wonder, let my mind wander because of the thoughts i ponder. What could have been is not, and what is may not have been. I'm perplexed as to why i played these cards. Had i acted in favor of some events, could i have altered the present? Had i neglected other things, would i have avoided dissatisfaction?

Insight is both a curse and a blessing. To know is to be aware and permits alterations to the now to improve on the future. But to not know is also a good thing; to not have thoughts of regret and wonder haunt the memory, and thus preventing an action to another reaction.

If only matters were as selective as hearing, neglecting to catch on to things that do not pertain to the now or to one's self, and to be alert and ready to digest the sounds about the present and how it will affect the future.

There is always a reason for why things are as they are, however a part of me wishes that i was oblivious until ALL things relevant unfurl. To sit here digesting fragments and to attempt to guess how things will work out is a torture, almost as bad as not knowing altogether.