Earwigs

My earwig is Britney Spear's: Amnesia

I get amnesia when I'm standing next to you-ou-ou...

Tracking treasure down

Why do you tell me
Only things I want to hear
Why dont you tell me
This could just disappear

At the same time
You keep tracking treasure down

You tell me of pirate-ships and fairy-tales
You have me wishing that everything
Was real

Merry Crimas

The Wantagh Parkway on X-mas Eve....

Hella creepy, but someone had to drop off their godmother in Long Beach.... and pick up a 'special gift' for himself...

Put that to good use to ;)

Blanca Nieves

Sunday's snow storm was such a delight. I actually managed to see it happen from the start... sure it took getting wasted with these 2 individuals in Fleetwood (not Fordam):



Ohh Jen and JuJu...

In any case, staying in the UES proved as the perfect opportunity to capture the glory of Central park. During my 2 week stay in the area, I managed to witness 2 snowfalls, the first one being a lot of fun for me. It was a chance to run the track that circles the resevoir alongside the Museum Mile.





...Even Harlem had a winter charm that morning.



The beauty of New York during the winter

Holiday Shopping

sounds about right. At least it's recession-proof

Ring-leader bitch

I have to give it to her, she's come out with another formidable album (formidable in the sense that there ARE good songs, but the majority just lure the listener in b/c of how catchy they are). In any case, "out from under" seems to be the song that speaks to me the most.

The snow, the winter, and just how things have been make me really want to go out for a brisk walk in Central Park tomorrow. I will do that, to make me feel better about how empty at times things seem, and to prove how fulfilling something as simple as a promenade can be. Time to lift my spirit and keep drinking.

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under

So let me go
Just let me fly away
Let me feel the space between us growing deeper
And much darker every day
Watch me now and I’ll be someone new
My heart will be unbroken
It will open up for everyone but you
Even when I cross the line
It's like a lie I’ve told a thousand times

Yo soy un Gitano Metropolitano

bed-ridden

The stars,
The little oracles that foresaw the devastation of the day you would no longer be there,
Gave me a clean pillow to dream.
To remember of anything aside from the collapse of the intercontinental bridge,
That we wore down crossing.
My guardians offered this comfort in hopes that this slumber would break the bed
Worse than what you broke.
Whispers warned of your destructive nature and
Their stellar energy blocked the fragments of this shattered dream.
So this fantastic vessel will move forth,
To the sanctuary.

monkey butt

Monkey

My simian friend.

Puckered face that collapsed my knees.

Kerosene to the electrical fire that had died down.

The warmest months involved some light gusts of comfort

Light-hearted breezes crossing the flooded Mississippi,

To the cosmopolitan island where I remained.

Bringing with them optimistic words,

Gleaming whispers of a time,

That you were here,

To reassure me.

-how funny that this is all i have left of this summer. At least what I don't regret having had occurred, but that i almost wish i hadn't happened.

Egg what??

I love how everything pertains to breakfast in my life... ah

and hardboiled is legit the worst

homeward bound

My refuge. It's time to go back, for the Thanksgiving holiday, and two weeks after, for a while longer.

The dream is dead. The Island is my home, my refuge.

Even though Washington Heights has been everything that I hoped for... It's time to go. This environment, this home, is anything but welcoming now.

Yo soy una persona tolerable y tolerante... en este caso, jamas. Ya no puedo soportar estas porqueridas...

"you were never dead to me... i just had to find something even more dead in Manhattan to know what you are"

I have a score to settle with Manhattan... Brooklyn-bound? peut-etre.

Drastic Fantastic

That's what it's going to have to be. This will be part of a story worthy of telling. This is one of those defining moments. It wasn't set up to be like this, but I'll take this opportunity to really make a point about myself.

I'll suffer a little bit, but let's face it, I can do anything with a little help from my friends. This will be the first bridge I'll have to burn, but there remain so many others.

This is what you want, this is what you'll get. Under my terms, with my departure.

Now it's a matter of finalizing. I have the will to leave a neighborhood that I've come to love, but I'm going to make it happen, here, in New York. Washington Heights has been great to me, and yet the reason I'm even contemplating departing is because of this home.

Something else that i could have just figured out without looking. Mi monito me ha olvidado, porque ya estoy seguro que se encontro alguien mas. Te recuerdas de mi? Probablamente no. Y esta bien. Ya no siento nada. Ya ni ha tratado... Pues, continuo mi buscueda

Jesu-cristo

C'est beau

- Put yourself at ease. Refrain from letting the gloomy statements from entering your once permeable skin. Solidify your beliefs just as you would the ideals that you hold true. The house that shelters an infinite amount of crystal waiting to be shattered by the thrust of a vocabulary unfit to be used in a conversation with the walls of reality. Imagine. Envision something beyond the stubborn fucks that glorify the domination they have. He is an imposition, she is a disruption to the patchwork quilt that was sewn as you aged.

Lethargic moments need a song, un chanson qui est beau:

CSS - Beautiful Song

Fly high on the rug
With the ones you know
With the ones you love
With the ones you trust

Ready the van the bus the plane
Again and hear the sound
Little air to breathe
Little work to kill
A nice table to seat
A clean pillow to dream
I feel the strength to ride
Another place to extra hide
It's better to break your back
Than to break your heart

I want to go wrong, if we do it
We can stop the time tonight
Bring only bad ones
You know you got it wrong
It means you got it right

Tellin' lies with stars
Makin up a weird glory
Young bosom dark lies
Twisting my homing guide
And I must try to resist
For your watch they disappear
All the records make interest
All the voices talk to much
All the photos you've seen
War medals for someone
like me like him like she
like me like him like she
Cause you'd better break your back
Than make no excuse

I want to go wrong, if we do it
We can stop the time tonight
Bring only bad ones
You know you got it wrong
It means you got it right

I want to go wrong, if we do it
We can stop the time tonight
Bring only bad ones
You know you got it wrong
It means you got it right

Oh many times times times times
We had the chance
So many times times times times
We had the chance
So many times times times times
We had the chance
So many times, times times

I want to go wrong, if we do it
We can stop the time tonight
Bring only bad ones
You know you got it wrong
It means you got it right

masturbation

Self love at its finest.

just like in family guy...

as stated by Peter Griffin... "...loves it more than Julia Roberts loves herself"

haha

as told by ginger...

Something fantastic has happened... I'm in a relationship with the greatest guy ever...

He got me this....
... a sole ginger flower. Spicy, tangy and full of color....

I'm grateful that I found this flower to give to myself... since it's been slim pickings with men. I think that a solid and healthy relationship with MYSELF will be all that I need in order to get through another cold winter.

Progress

Barack for the future!!!

pretentious

Lady GaGa: the epitome of pretentious.

pah-pah-pah-pah-poker face

Little rocket in the sky

Random techno song that always put me in a good mood. It's well needed, I've been quite lethargic and apathetic.

I can't seem to get out of this rut.

Boo

Cansai De Ser Sexy

CSS, nunca me cansare de ellos...



Mao Zedong has never looked better

Washington Heights

My new home. It's now 3 months into living in this neighborhood. I love it. C'est tout que j'imaginerai, et tout que je voudrais. I finally went down to Coogan's (this bar and grill on Bway and 168th) for dinner tonight. It's the type of place that just reminds me of LI and my routines and habits: Getting food in good company in a cool restaurant, with a bunch of drunkards in the background going at it on the kareoke machine.

I've been doing a good job of living for me. I think after a week of bullshit and sloth, I put my life into perspective once again and I think I'll do fine with things. It's a shame that for me to become less apathetic towards school, I had to resort to a gruesome all-nighter with Brent, Jurell, and Lara, and of course the everso amusing power-half-an-hour. Binging on Amps and weed, put things in a different light... and well I think I just gotta keep at it.

On a different note, the ghosts have returned once again, but I welcome them this time. Their dispart will not concern me no more, but their arrival will not be taken as lightly as before... Qu'est-ce je devrais faire?

Gloria Estefan

:)

Tegan and Sara were amazing in concert. If you haven't seen them before, you should.

They are great musicians, and extremely endearing on stage.

Meg Caitlin and myself went to the show after an afternoon of sketch-shopping on Canal st. for handbags. Haha, we were literally in the back of a van looking through bags. I had to take a break though from the bag hunt, and had to trek all over SoHo to find a starbucks... which surprisingly was hard to find... but only b/c i took the most bumbfucky route to get to it. In any case, We met some great eccentrics selling jewelry off of spring st. and I saw Tyson Beckford in front of the Tommy Hilfiger store in SoHo. Woot Woot!

I'm still here. I still wait. I still wonder.

...but you're losing me.

I'm flustered. I'm freezing up. I'm cloudy.

I miss you...

I want to be with you, but it's becoming clearer that it's something that only I still see. I don't know what to do with you, but I think i need to back off a bit... for my sanity. For fear that I may not be able to keep going if I stand here waiting for you.

Metropolitan Nomad

Continuing with this trend of being a modern-day wanderer. I've been frequenting Westchester and Long Island a lot. Class has become stressful, and as a result, I end up spending more time on campus. Partly because of the work, but mostly because of the relief i get from being around people i like and some minor amounts of substances to take the mind off of the day.

Between class and work, I'm always exhausted and have been to preoccupied to think. This weekend was a change of pace, since I was off for the majority of the weekend. I had to wander to Long Island and then to Westchester all within the span of a day and a half. I got to see Tran on Sunday. We went out to get coffee, and had out readings done by a spastic guy with tarot cards at the table behind us. He was strange, and vague in the readings... though he mentioned that he'd only just begun to memorize them. Meh...

Um. This was also the weekend that I had to say bye to Rachel. 13 years of knowing this chick, and she's leaving for North Carolina at the end of this week. Strange girl she is, but we have history. Myself, Roy and Rachel went out for a simple Goodbye meal. Well for Roy and I that meant getting drinks at Grand Lux Cafe. She ate, we drank, it was so.... us. She was a little sentimental, but the Big Red enjoyed herself. We were so loud, in typical fashion. Now we're less one crazy bitch on this Island... This is really the end of an era.

The funny thing is, I got together with the Lags Saturday night, and we were quite nostalgic about Warwick Road. The street which I've lived on all these years was a gathering spot for about 2 years, were everyone would drop by and hang out. Either on the street at my house, but we were always there at night. We had some tight-knit bounds, and stories that defined us 8. But it all unraveled... and now the 8 of us have become scattered chains; only connected by vaguely remembered amistades. Mike brought up Utada, which like Rachel, you had to have been there to truely understand the meaning of that. We sat there in the garage, us 3, the remnants of what was about 4 years ago. We joked of how it's both amazing and a little sad that us three are what's still left of that, and that we can hope for that to be the case in another 4.

It was definitly a week of remenising. I got to see my monkey last night. It was brief, but i was glad to see him. It put my mind at ease. I've become such a worrywart. I need to chill out and not give so much importance to things. I really like this one.

Woo!

Um... well it's that time of the year, when last years phone gets all fucked up, and it's time to get a new one.

It's one of my favorite autumnal rituals, and considering the fact that i trashed my stainless steel razor, I think it's safe to say that it was overdue.

So as a rash desicion, I'm getting the iphone... it's a practical and convenient manouver considering that my itouch isn't looking any better these days.

WooHoo to getting rid of these 2 devices!

New number coming soon

Oh, which reminds me, the whole reason for this treat is b/c my 3000 dollar check clears tomorrow at 9am... and i get paid on friday, so there's no guilt for buying something i 'need'

...

Geeze, this is all very exhausting. I can't remember another time where I've felt tired so continually. I barely get a chance to sit put and relax. I'm working hardcore, I'm always up in White Plains for class, and have been longing for a day where i can just sit and truly enjoy myself from wake up until sleep time.

These matters have all exhausted me physically, and yet all i can seem to worry about is how mentally drained I am. I have to present my basis for my senior project next thursday, and right now i have zilch... just some minimal ideas on how i can tie France/French culture to me. I'll have time to contemplate that. Another thing is this boy. I'm stuck by him... I am the moth to his flame. I'm entranced by him and yet there's this feeling within about us which leads me to beleive that there is a lack of mutuality in regards to this feeling.

I miss the warm days of July, and the breezy conversations that I looked forward to. Now with Autumn begining, this climate change has correlated with the harsh gusts that frequent me, blowing me out of his periferals.

I'm at a loss for words... I've layed down everything i can to show him how i feel... yet, i don't think it's working.

All i can do is keep trying. I just dont want winter to come by and turn me frigid once again... winter 05/06 wasn't good to me and i'm still recovering from that to some extent...

Seas mio

Santogold - I'm a lady

"got my mind made up"

I am a metropolitan nomad.

Traversing from county to county, train by train, arriving at my destination just to leave it once again.

The transfers and the walking, all part of a continuous commute. Seeing the woods, the ocean and the ferocious towers all within a matter of hours.

The station names are a mere afterthought; out of focus, but still apparent.

Seeking to find stability is a futile endeavor. The movement makes it unattainable.

<3

It's been fun watching the Democratic convention. Bill made a great speech (as expected) Michelle Obama was amazing and personable. Hilary gave a great speech (and has improved in appearance significantly since dismissing her campaign). They were personable, they were reasonable, and most of all they didn't attack any one issue.

On the other hand, randomness has appeared in the Republican side of things, in the form of Sarah Palin.

I like her, (I'm still going to vote democrat) but not for her political views:

She's a bombshell (smokin' oakin' VP?)
Can shoot a gun
Did Vogue in Feb
Mother of 5 (She even gave birth while in office to her youngest child)
Miss Alaska runner-up
ran a marathon
admits to smoking dope (lmfao)
"Sarah Barracuda"

So she's not necessarily going to drag me over to the dark side, but McCain's decision has made this election year a lot more interesting. They had only spoken once about the VP position, and Bam! he offers it up to her. Hm... McLaughlin Group this morning provided some critique on the DNC and on Palin as VP, and one went as far as saying that the only thing that Palin brings to the plate is "more breast." Monica Crowley feels that this woman (despite her overly-conservative values) will be able to sway over many of the undecided people in the keystates this year, grabbing many former Hilary supporters.... Ok... we'll see about that.

?

I'm emotionally weak....

I just want to be loved. C'est une probleme?? Porque no lo puedo encontrar? Ou est-il?

I let a boy get under my skin. Now i suffer the consequences.

Je devrais etre fort, comme un pierre. Una roca con fortaleza incomparable.

"then he whispers in your ear, he's absolutely fallen"

guess what.

I chopped my hair off significantly.


I think I like it :)

c'etait un peu comme le coupe de Rihanna lol

Har

I had the pleasure of having brunch with Ms. Stephanie Layne on Thursday. This fantastic Purchase jet-setter flew in from Rochester for an interview at the Guggenheim. Tuscan platter (for 2) at Le Pain Quotidien, c'etait le plus meilleur chose pour manger la. That evenings adventures began with a trip to Crown Heights to see Carlee and Bess. I got a chance to meet the 3 kids crashing on their couch. They're cool and apparently Kelly met them off of a couchsurfing website. We had a few drinks and then we went dumpster diving. I've never done it before, but you can find some really good food that has been thrown out just because fresher produce has arrived. It was weird for me at first, but hey after a few glasses of wine anyone's inhibitions go out the door lol. I also picked up a cute guy's number as we rummaged through the garbage in

On another note after that horrific incident on the subway on Wed, I gained SOME dignity back last night on my way back from work. According to 3 different black women (one of them being a crackhead on the M60), I have the most amazing hair in all of Harlem.

There have been some very interesting things going on. Such as the crazy rooftop party in Bed Sty on Friday night... Wicked fun. Dragged Jurell, Issa, and Lizzy with me to that after some drinks at the Slaughtered Lamb to meet up with my usuals in BK. Last night was equally as entertaining: Limerick on 6th and 23rd followed by an insane party at an apartment in the LES. So gay so trashy so hilarious.

Ouch

Congrats to me, who after 3 successful weeks of commuting via subway, managed to fall down a whole flight of stairs trying to catch the A. My leg's covered in bruises and scabs, and hurts a lot.

I'm not sure what provoked me to fall down in the first place (maybe the massive amount of people traffic, the pants I was wearing, etc...) but the next thing I know, I'm rolling down about 70 steps in the 175th subway station. Rather than offering help, or even just asking if I was ok, the hoodrats in the station stood there covering their mouths hollering "oh shit."

The saddest part being that I didn't even manage to catch the subway after such a fall.

....

Continuo buscando.... Me siento perdido. Trato de buscar a alguien que me quiere, pero no ha tenido suerte.

Creo que es yo. Soy una persona interesante, soy bello (algo que me tomo tanto tiempo para realisar), y trato.

I've just been disappointed time and time again.... and I tried. I open up only to have boys slam their door on me. All this questioning, something so out of nature for someone who has built up so much confidence, is exhausting.

I thought I found him, I think was wrong. I thought maybe I should try harder, I think I may have scared him away. ...and it's ok, I just wish to find someone for me. I'm good on my own, but I'd be so much better with someone. I'm tired of standing on my own. I want someone who can lean on me when they need to, just as i hope i can with then in my time of need.

It's one of the few times where I'll admit to tears developing. It's just saddening to me that I've been searching, trying to find him.

It'll get better in time.

Hm....

Look at what washed up on the shores of Long Island. Montauk to be precise:
The Montauk Monster ...yeah some are saying it's a decomposed raccoon (Jeff Corwin), while some believe it's a dog, and some have gone as far as suggesting that it's a capybara. Hm... wonder what they're doing on nearby Plum Island that would result in this monstrosity washing up on the beach???

The most mentioned (and probable) speculation is that it's a viral marketing scheme for a new tv show. check it:

Fox News

Gawker

Lemurs!!!

If you can, go check out the Madagascar exhibit at the Bronx Zoo, introduced this summer. It's one building dedicated to the wildlife native to this large African island. And as with most brand-spakin' things, this particular exhibit was packed with people. Kids and their stupid parents.

I went with Jimmy on Wed (suggested donation day) and it was packed. Despite the unpleasant amount of crowds, there were animals to see, and a nice breeze to enjoy.

more pics are up on flickr

Mama Mia

I'm an ABBA fanatic, and after seeing the musical and all the posters all over for the film adaptation, I got around to seeing it. It's amazing. check it.

New New York

Firstly, this is now day 4 of being in Manhattan. It's what i hoped and needed it to be. I knew I was a cosmopolitan being who suffered through the stagnation of suburbia. I have my roots tied to both realms, but the reality is, I know that in order to flourish, the transition to New York was essential. On that note, I've been at Jimmy's and with my All-American charm (the irony) and his address, I began the search for employment. It seemed bleak with the stone-cold faces i met at some places, but I landed one interview. That interview was today, and it was even more successful than landing the interview; i landed the job (a good one at that) with Papyrus. Tomorrow I'm meeting with the district manager who will deem me worthy of a keyholder position, in which that case i'll be making upto 25 dollars and hour (which would make may life soooooo much easier).

This 'burban boy managed to catch up with all his city folk in a matter of days. I headed south to Crown heights to meet up with Carlee. We went to Beer Garden (which I've heard so much about yet unable to go to until then) and had LI iced teas and caught up. Bessie met us up and we continued chatting, and went over to their ice cream shop: Blue Marble. It's this quaint organic coffee shop/ ice cream parlor. They're amazing. Strolled down Eastern Parkway and went back to the ladies' layer. Had some wine, played some cards, like old times.

Today after a successful interview, I headed uptown to see Cat. We discussed poverty (ours specifically lol), and took a stroll around the neighborhood. I FINALLY WENT TO PINKBERRY! Frozen yogurt has never been this good, kiwi, chocolate chips and these little rice-puff things. Then walked around the Columbia campus until we found a nice shady spot and laid on the grass. There was this crazy Frenchwoman feeding the squirrels, and she attracted the most pudge one of the all over to us with a peanut. Afterward, we went out for a ridiculously large slice of pizza down the street. Traversed back to Wash. Heights and checked out the neighborhood for a bit. It's so pretty once you walk away from Broadway, and the GW bridge.

Pictures are up so check them out.

... and check out the latest issue of New York, there's this amazing article about the latest trend in plastic surgery. About Face. There's also this great chronology which follows about 4000 years of beauty and the vast differences in preferences over time. It's pretty cool.

brr

"I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
Id love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me."

j'ai dors dans le plus froid lit hier soir... Je suis dégoûté avec moi même. Qu'est ce que j'attend? Je pensait qu'il a senti quelque chose pour moi. J'avais tort. C'est ma faut... Je m'inquiète beaucoup.

Tyra

gotta love those hair weaves.

to be

I'm excited. With less than a day away from my transition to Manhattan, I seem to be anxious and restless. I can't wait to see what opportunities are waiting for me.

On a slightly different note, I'm glad to know that he feels the same way. I worried that it'd be a one-sided sensation. I'm glad that i was proven wrong. Espero por el dia que finalmente podramos estar juntos; contentos y satisfechos. Sera, y sera pronto.

Me, I'm a creator

After a very long dispute with my father about certain financial matters and personal ones, I have come to a rash decision in order to try to maintain what little of a relationship i have with him in tact: I'm moving out for the month of August. As of right now the plan is to spend the month of August getting my self established in Manhattan. It's been my plan, but it's taken me almost 2 years to act on it.

With the help of Jimmy (who's providing me with shelter during this time) I really hope to make it work. I'm aiming to find a job. I'm aiming to make this work.

If all goes well, I intend on renouncing my housing plan at Purchase, which would be beneficial since I only have class 2 days a week and need to invest more time into financing myself.

I want to kill (or at least begin to lower) the massive personal debt i have accumulated by the end of this year. I want to get my own space.

These are my intents.

Hielo

When does my life begin to take the shape that I want it to? When did i become so obsessed over the reaction that people get from me. Whether it be of lust or despise, I seem to compromise my own values because I've become submissive to the judgment. I shouldn't care, and i never have... but I do. I do because I'm lonely. My motives are merely a gesture out of desperation to relinquish the solitude I feel.

Do you want me, or are you just toying? Do you need me, or is it something that you simply say to gain the appeal of another? I worry, because I let you in, and you baffle me. The concern has risen because of the distance. I wish I could do something about that aside from waiting. Waiting on the moment that I cross bridges and rivers and am near you once again.

I have to stop waiting. Something needs to happen. For me, for you, for us. I don't know what I can do. I can't let THIS fade. I fear of that because this is the warmth that has melted my icy nature. The frigidness has receded much like the glaciers from long ago, yet their breath still I still inhale, hoping to return to my stoic ways. To let the cold take me over, consume me, allow me to be the one with the unmoved mentality. Sessile like the glaciers. No. bring this Ice age to an end, be the excess that melts away at me, and floods my being.

CNN has a special on African Americans and the hardships they face. It's a two day special, tonight's being the first (on the lives of black women and families) and tomorrow's is on black men.

check it.

CNN-Black In America

Hopping around

So this weekend was all about catching people, and being anywhere but the Meadow. Friday was a great day spent at the beach with some Purchase peeps: Jared and Jess, and we met up with Roy briefly to roast in the sun and get tossed around by the waves. I think I've hit the highpoint of my tanning, and am incapable of getting any darker.

Saturday was dedicated to Sirenfest in Coney Island. Mike, Alex and myself headed down there to catch some good bands and a lot of randomness. Ran into some old co-workers from the Aber days, and some more Purchase peeps (Maria & Evan to be exact). Through the span of the day I was hit on by about 4 different guys.... all not my type. One to go as far as to mouth really awkward statements towards me on line for the port-a-potty. But the best had to have been the DL thug walking with his homies, giving me lips, lifting his shirt to reveal a nice six-pack and then clearly checking out my ass (something which I hadn't been aware of until Mike brought it to my attention). There were some sick break-dancers by the aquarium, and a merengue band by the pier, both which seemed to grab our attentions more than any Indie band ever could. Broken Social Scene was the act that the three of us looked forward to all day, and they delivered. Then it was off to Westchester county to hang out with Brenton for the first time in a LONG time. I was excited as ever to have some drinks with him and Lauren. Il me fait heureux, et la nuite fui amusent et tout que j'ai espéré. It was a little sad to leave the next morning. But we each had our own things to tend to.

Mine was to hit up Summerstage for the second time. I met up with Kat and soon after with Jimmy and the three of us did what any broke New Yorker does in excessive heat... go to Starbucks haha. We got our drinks and headed towards the venue. This time Santogold was the main attraction. She was amazing. However, the excessive humidity and the large amount of people in the venue made it a very undesirable place to be on Sunday. Diplo and A-Trak alternated mixing it up for the crowd and for the life of me i cannot remember much of Kid Cudi or Blaqstarr and Mz Streamz... mostly because it was a lot of on-stage dancing and chanting. It probably doesn't help that we were looking for the Purchase people that I barely saw at Sirenfest, and that the heat and our broke-asses resorted to getting water and tea at a nearby starbucks, giving up our spots within the venue. So upon return from Starbucks (a hydrating salvation), we were unable to get back in and sat nearby where the show was still visible and completely audible. She was great. She played what I wanted to hear, and as we were people watching during her performance, Kat, Jimmy and I couldn't help but to wonder about how so many horrid people were walking around the park and how deeply it contrasts with the fashionable and beautiful people that walked/ran/rode along the same path. I came to the conclusion that I'm in love with trendy black women, Santogold being one of them, lol. (picture bummed off Maria)

:(

So... kind of addicted to America's Best Dance Crew... and was kinda sad that ASSID left. They were gifted, and were eliminated. It's too bad too, b/c i thought Joey was kind of cute on top of everything, and it was quite amazing that he was able to dance cohesively with the rest of the crew despite being deaf.

Ni Freud ni tu mamá

"Sácame del aire
No puedo respirar
Somos diferentes
Necesito un break
O baby.

No me lo puedes dar
Hablar de ti me pone mal
Nunca fui Freud, ni tampoco tu mamá
No te puedo cambiar
Ni hacerte madurar.

Lo hago por mí, yo soy así
Ya lo intenté
Disculpa, no hay culpa
Hazlo por ti, por no fingir
Disculpa, no hay culpa.

Es un adiós, no puedo más
Disculpa, no hay culpa
Se terminó, no pudo ser
No hay culpa, never.

Sigo mis instintos
No me busques más
No más estrategias
Conmigo no va
No quiero ser un capricho más.

Lo cierto es que no hay espera
Porque la vida en un segundo se va
No te puedo cambiar
Ni hacerte madurar.

Hay amores que destruyen
Lo que somos, lo que fuimos
Y no lo puedes cambiar.

You are hot, I forgot

Olvida todo lo pasado
La pasión, los besos dados
Se fue tu oportunidad.

You are hot, I forgot."

Belinda, tu lo saves. It's time for some change. El cambio se provoca.

Random update

Well, it was a no-go with the vending... long story short, my brother's an inconsiderate prick and proved to me that regardless of what I need to do to make my life work, it will never be as important as even the most minute task in his day in his eyes...

So the job hunt continues. As to prevent myself from falling into further destitution, I'm going to an Urban Outfitters interview on Tuesday. I want to be optimistic and hope to get a job for the remainder of the summer... but considering how the hunt has gone, it seems pretty bleak. Think positive.

Um, "I'm on a never-ending quest to find a boyfriend" (Drawn Together). I hate how that sounds. I'm not desperate, i'm lonely (there's a clear distinction). There's such a great appeal of having someone whom you can depend on, much in the same way you hope for them to depend on you. I'm also looking for a human pillow that i can just lie on for hours. It's funny, because people are unaccustomed to hearing me be all mushy, and to be honest, I may be a toughie, but I'm such a softy. I'm getting closer to finding him (I think). Il a besoin plus de temps.

Today marked he day that Snake K. left my care. She went home with Evelyn this morning. I was sad... she was the greatest silent company a person could ask for. So exotic, yet so docile. I'm really going to consider getting a snake of my own.

After Snake's departure, I left with diligence to the train station to meet up with Mark & Eric in Jamaica. Our mission: to rendez-vous and head to Staten Island to hit up an abandoned hospital facility. It was creepy. I'll make use of my flickr account, and post them on there. It was good to see some of the Purchase crowd today. We partook in one of our favorite activities and went to Chili's before catching Hellboy II: The Golden Army... I'm not too sure how i felt about it, but it was entertaining. Guillermo del Toro managed to salvage the Hellboy franchise a bit, by using his styling in creating the mythical creatures that appear in the film. Though the film fiddled with all sorts of emotions, I wish it had been less engulfed by adding some silly humor in it to detract from the well thought out fighting sequences.

French-English

je ne suis pas pensée après coup... il y a une probleme si est ton forme du pensement. Je ne comprends pas, pouvez-vous m'expliquer? J'aimerais beaucoup si tout était clair.

No es para una persona específica, solo un sentimiento que tengo a causa de hoy...

Heads up.

If you know what's up, Central Park's SummerStage is what's up. This weekend on Saturday, Julieta Venegas is going to be performing along with Plastilina Mosh and DJ Bitman. That should prove to be fairly amusing.

Now if you really matter, you'll meet me up on the 2oth to see Santogold, DJ A-trak, Diplo, and Kid Cudi. That's gonna be gangsta-bitch. Lemme know if you plan on going and wanna meet up.

If you like the sound of that, and curious to see what else is going to be popping during the remainder of the summer, check it:

Summer Stage

besos putos ;)

Go fig...

I hate Tila Tequila... yet we share something in common. That's sad... and it's not her affinity for girls. We'll leave it at that.

Proud??

I failed to mention that I went to Pride last week with Roy... The village and Chelsea were definitely proud... and black. Tell me why the only time you see gay black guys is during pride... That's so strange b/c they as a group tend to be the most closeted (I would know, i DID hook up with a few closeted ones) and funny enough some can't even do a good job of being stealth and still claim straight.
On the plus side, i DID get hit on by one of the sexiest men ever that night, only to be shot down immediately. "You're too young for me" he said, he was hot he was Asian (a rarity already), which i suppose is fine b/c that means he might have been older than what I'd figure.
I love that the least appealing part of the evening was running into a bunch of Roy's friends, who were excessively queeny, black, and loud haha.

Anyway. I'm still without job (doesn't that figure) but at least I have other things going on right now. I'm supposed to be snake-sitting for Evelyn, and also found a random post on craigslist to be one of those food-vending people. We'll see how that goes

l'été

Ni hao

Not to be taken as a sign of me lacking maturity (which I do, lol) but greatest thing that I could possibly wake up to today: Ni Hao Kai-Lan. It's one of those 'Dora the Explorer'-type shows, but the protagonist (if the title wasn't enough of a giveaway), is a little Chinese girl. HA! I called it, Chinese, both as a people and a language are going to be very prominent in the near future, hence the appearance of this show on Nick Jr.

She's oober cute too, as are her little animal friends. And she has a fairly chill grandpa, whom she communicates with in English, and in some remedial Chinese.


I need more of this around me

Precious Metal

So, Suzanne took me with her to Manhattan for a record release party being held at Crash Mansion (LES). On our way there, we ran into Paulie-bag-of-donuts, of all places on a subway car. It's always a random encounter, but they definitely make things interesting. We all made our way downtown, and met up with the band. That's the ticket in, know the drummer and the bassist. Great place, and appropriate for this release party for KHZ: a metal band. Possibly the most beautiful metal band i've ever seen, both in performance ability and in appearance. As far as lead singers go, Raiana is possibly the most attractive face i've seen in metal. The gentlemen of the band were quite handsome also.

They're worth checking out, and their second album is noteworthy: Disconnected. It's worth looking into.

their myspace (check it): KHZ

CP

Well this weekend was all about getting in touch with the "old me," not the psychopath who was suffering through personal issues, but rather the one who's all about the music. Following the trend started about a month ago at Paganfest, I'm back on the music scene, more present than ever. Yesterday was the opening show for Summer Stage @ Central Park, which proved to be one of the best experiences by far.

It was an innocently sunny Saturday that involved being Manhattan-bound. Out of impatience and desire, rather than taking the subway right from Penn., I headed over to Herald Sq., which implies a visit to Koryodong (that amazing cafe that sells the ice pops that I'm all about. Yes, I finally managed to take the name down).

Shot up north and headed towards Central Park to meet up with Kat to go to the show. Who was playing? Born Ruffians, A-trak, Kid Sister, & Vampire Weekend. How collegiate. Andrew WK served as host, commencing the show. Born Ruffians came on and were quite good, a surprise to those of us who showed up exclusively for VW or Kid Sis. And then the rain came, slowly at first... and then heavy, and then heavier. It turned into Woodstock though, since nobody was phased by the impending severity of the storm. I'm there with Kat and co, sans sneakers ou t-shirt getting pounded on by blankets of water.

And it kept pouring delaying the show, as Kid Sister was too drunk to not worry about her weave. So the crowd gets antsy and after 40 minutes of excessive rain A-trak comes out to mix it up, great DJ, though he came with an ego since he's worked with the likes of Kanye.

Kid Sister comes out, drunk as shit but rearing to go (Thanks Maria for the pic). In typical Kat+Roo tradition, some one made sure to acknowledge the fact that we were more persistant than the rest of the crowd, jamming harder in the rain.

Kid Sis got off, and VW got on stage, to be met with a crowd as persistent and wild as the tempest that has been hovering over the area all afternoon. They were amazing, Playing the majority of their current album and introducing a couple of other song they've been working on. The rain came had halfway through their set, but they kept going and it was such a hydrated event. The end of their set welcomed Andrew WK and his guitar to play a Tom Petty song... sigh... it was such a quencher, not just the downpour but the show.

On a different note... managed to make it uptown, et je le vois finalment. je suis resté avec lui durant la nuit parce qu'il était malade. Made it home on time to be the good son that I am, and celebrate Papa's Day!!!

I'm going to learn tonight how to play Metal Gear Solid4, correctly. We'll see how that goes.

BFFers

...Just flipping through some random things. Came across this:
I like that an actual children's book has been published in regards to these two unlikely pals... Owen (the baby hippo) and Mzee (the tortoise). Owen and Mzee: The true story of a remarkable friendship became a big hit; a retelling how exactly these guys ended up in the same enclosure and getting to become he friends they did. To think that something awful like a tsunami would lead to something so heart-warming. Mind you I have nerves of steel and even this touched me.

"The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass."

Et il est ou?

Probablement ce mon faut, mais je le verrai bientôt. I got to, it's one of the few things at this moment that's kinda working out. It's also one of the few guys who has yet to disappoint me despite my own trend to become just that, a disappointment.

Si tu le lis, maintenes dans l'esprit que j'ai me sens obliger a te voir, particulairment parce que je bien regardes la possibilites entre nous.

Gotta hit uptown up very soon

Gotta love the verb être.

2x

Random conclusion that came to mind during a 5 mile run today: I gotta be better than everyone else just to be normal. haha. It's what I've got to do to be taken seriously by the rest of the world. It's not me being self-conscious, it's an awareness of the difficulty of what it means to be gay.

Gotta be tougher, smarter, funnier, and a whole lot of other things, to be received just as well as my straight male peers. Hm... It's not a challenge or anything, but it's something that i noticed as I'm running, observing the little children by the local elementary school. Those were some rough years for me... and had I known what I basically figured out on my own +10 years later, I think it would have been an easier transition from middle school to high school. Bleh.

Speaking of memory lane, random ghosts from the past presented themselves this week. Received a message from a former best-friend of mine. It was a pretty serious falling out, hence why contact between us has been limited at my part despite her persistence to keep in touch. I couldn't deal with her then and I don't think it would be good to start that up again.

Sigh....

I've come to love electropop music once again. Je l'aime de nouveau. Random song that proves this point:



Lalala-love it.

hmm....

What the hell is going on here? I need a fucking job, and despite MY efforts and my sick resume, I'm not able to land one? Wtf? There are pending bills that need to get paid and no money to do it with.

I can deal with the semi-awkward e-mails notifying me discussing that I have been looked over for "another candidate" but come on... I need a job. Well what can I do but continue to land myself a gig. I just can't believe that it's turned into this. I got fucked when it came time to transfer, but really, this is just getting ridiculous.

Perhaps I should consider hooking. In all seriousness. I'm good in bed (I have the references to prove it haha) and have many years of experience, so why not...

Ugh. Now I have no inspiration or desire to go on that run to the beach. But I just have to keep running, for my sanity, so that I continue to function and so that at least there is SOME purpose to my life. What is my broke ass going to do?

any suggestions?

BK-bound?

Well yesterday was full of vigor and stress, but tension went away once the reason I was in Manhattan was taken care of.

Being interviewed by a crazy English woman was not as delightful as I'd hope. She scared me.... alot. She was a wall of a woman: 6'2" and very stern looking (in typical British fashion). But I think I made a good imprint on her, acknowledging that one of the reasons i was applying was merely to become situated in NYC once again.

It's been a while, but it's time to do it. I got a call from Carlee, there's an opening in her place, and I also got reassured for a call back for this position, so we'll see.

The stress was taken once I hopped onto the F from Houston and made my way to Herald Sq. For what? Dollar Ice pops at this great cafe/pastry shop on Korea Way (32nd) It's by a bunch of other assorted Korean shops: restaurants (Cafe Muse being one of the best there) as well as stationary and markets. Hopped on the R to Times Sq and made my way onto the 1 to go hang out at Columbia U. with Cat and Jimmy.

I think that's where I'll situate myself for grad school. It's a great location and has one of the most prestigious reputations in the NY area.

We'll see how it all goes.

la première fois

This is the first entry; the one that acknowledges the creation of what I hope to be a great endeavor, rather than a mere collection of thoughts.

Wish me luck, It'll be good, promise.